yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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