Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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