I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
