it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
