Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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