would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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