This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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