in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
