Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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