haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
