He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
