our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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