I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
