i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
