How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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