i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
