mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
