Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
