Umm I'm too high to move.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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