Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
