You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
