Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i now understand why vodka
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
