Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
only if we run a train.
done.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
