Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
