I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
