the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
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I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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