i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
