it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
