Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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