we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
