Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
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He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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