every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
then he tried to convert me to islam
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
