I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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