It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
