she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
