You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
