she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
