The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
