so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
