I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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