he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
