I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
