the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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