I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
