and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
