God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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