I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
