I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
