If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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