Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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