Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
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