i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
