alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
