she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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