First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
