Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
