I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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