I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm sobbing to NWA
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
