if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
