never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
