I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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