Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
