Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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