Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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