i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
