My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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