Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
