I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
