Sry I called you an 8
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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