tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
