This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
