Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
