If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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