I puked a lego.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
