I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
