Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
