I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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